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Literature Text
Spinning in circles wildly while tipsy
Staring now, mesmerized by your beauty
As you twirl about in a random melodious grace
Your golden hair swishing about your face
You prance about in the middle of the floor,
No burdens or troubles can keep you down
Carelessly throwing your body around and around
Spinning in circles like a drunken gypsy
Watching intently, hypnotized by your beauty
As you turn about in an entrancingly repetitious pace
Your golden hair swishing all over the place
You dance about in the middle of the floor,
No worries or doubts can bring you down
Freely tossing your body around and around
I leave for the night, and I say my good byes
While you float around like a group of butterflies
On the carpet, like over a field of flowers
Throughout the late midnight hours
I now lay restless alone in my cold bed,
With imagines of you dancing around in my head
Like a free spirit as you spin and twirl
Oh, how I wish I had danced with you rave girl
Rave Girl
By Matthew W. Moser
Staring now, mesmerized by your beauty
As you twirl about in a random melodious grace
Your golden hair swishing about your face
You prance about in the middle of the floor,
No burdens or troubles can keep you down
Carelessly throwing your body around and around
Spinning in circles like a drunken gypsy
Watching intently, hypnotized by your beauty
As you turn about in an entrancingly repetitious pace
Your golden hair swishing all over the place
You dance about in the middle of the floor,
No worries or doubts can bring you down
Freely tossing your body around and around
I leave for the night, and I say my good byes
While you float around like a group of butterflies
On the carpet, like over a field of flowers
Throughout the late midnight hours
I now lay restless alone in my cold bed,
With imagines of you dancing around in my head
Like a free spirit as you spin and twirl
Oh, how I wish I had danced with you rave girl
Rave Girl
By Matthew W. Moser
Okay. here is another one I'm contemplating. If I do submit this to poetry . com [link] I'll have to take out a couple of lines. but its all good. i need suggestions and opinions. I actually wrote this about a girl while we was at a small get together at my neighbor's house. she is into rave music.. and well, was listening to it at the time. i couldn't sleep until I got this out of my system. one of my most recent peices... oh the joy of hormones. >.
© 2002 - 2024 aristocrat
Comments1
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I would say just try to trim up the lines a bit and you might have something there. You are going with a rhyme scheme so you may want to keep the lines as close to the same number of sylibals as possible. It generally works best that way with rhyme... gives it more of a rhythm and keeps people interested.
As far as the [link] thing... I really hate to tell you this but that site is a total scam.
I submitted a couple things there in the past and everytime I got in finals. If you search the forums here you will find many many people who have submitted to it and gotten the same results... one guy even said he submitted a random jumbled up bunch of words and got selected. So, not to say you aren't a good writer... but [link] is junk. They just try to get you to send them money for a book that your writing will be in and it is never made and your money goes to nowhere (or so I have heard. I never actually sent them anything).
Anyway, sorry for the long comment... I just thought you might want to know so you don't waste any more time there or find out the hard way
As far as the [link] thing... I really hate to tell you this but that site is a total scam.
I submitted a couple things there in the past and everytime I got in finals. If you search the forums here you will find many many people who have submitted to it and gotten the same results... one guy even said he submitted a random jumbled up bunch of words and got selected. So, not to say you aren't a good writer... but [link] is junk. They just try to get you to send them money for a book that your writing will be in and it is never made and your money goes to nowhere (or so I have heard. I never actually sent them anything).Anyway, sorry for the long comment... I just thought you might want to know so you don't waste any more time there or find out the hard way